How to read the Formula of Happiness
How does honesty lead to self-knowledge, love, forgiveness and action? Explore both sides of Adam Arma’s circle, with a question for each transition.
Happiness
+1 Truth gives rise to knowledge
We each have our own truth, yet truth as a whole is shared by everyone. Imagine a cube. From where you stand, you see one face. From where I stand, I see another. Both belong to the same cube. In this formula, truth is the whole cube, with all its faces.
Everyone says, “Know yourself.” But how can you know yourself if even the story you tell yourself is the one that suits you? Begin by being completely honest with yourself and the people around you. Then you can see who you are and what is really happening. That is where knowledge begins.
Ask yourself Which side of this situation can’t I see from where I stand?
+2 Knowledge gives rise to love
“Love yourself” is easy to say. But whom are you supposed to love if you don’t know yourself yet? Being honest helps you discover what you want, what frightens you and what matters to you. At last there is a real person in front of you, someone you can love.
The same goes for the world. The better you know reality, the more you see in it and the more you can love. The formula calls this love true because it grows out of knowing what is there.
Ask yourself What have I learned about myself lately that I’ve been able to welcome with warmth?
+3 Love gives rise to forgiveness
Sometimes an old mistake still decides how much joy you allow yourself today. You remember what you did and turn against yourself all over again. “How could I have done that?” The past keeps you from living fully now.
When you can look honestly at what you did, understand the person you were then and still feel love for yourself, real forgiveness becomes possible. You no longer have to earn it by punishing yourself again.
Ask yourself What did I do long ago that I’m still punishing myself for?
+4 Forgiveness gives rise to calm
You can say, “I’ve forgiven myself,” and still return to the same accusation in your mind. Here, forgiveness means the argument inside you has come to an end. You remember what happened and can go on with your life.
Calm has room to grow in that quiet. It rests on everything you have already done. You faced the truth, understood yourself, treated yourself with love and let go of the hurt.
Ask yourself How will I notice that I’ve stopped arguing with myself about the past?
+5 Calm gives rise to confidence
When you are calm, you have time to hear your own answer. You know what you stand on. You remember your mistakes and have learned how to forgive yourself for them. So the next difficulty doesn’t take all the ground out from under you.
This is where inner confidence enters the formula. You can feel it in an ordinary decision. I see what is happening, I can choose, and I am willing to answer for that choice.
Ask yourself Which of my decisions do I trust when things are quiet inside?
+6 Confidence gives rise to freedom
As you grow confident, you can take a step without first waiting for someone else’s approval. You can listen to another opinion, weigh it honestly alongside your own and still make up your own mind.
In this way calm and confidence open up inner freedom. The seventh step is the moment you can say yes or no and understand why that answer is yours.
Ask yourself What would I choose if I didn’t have to prove that I was right?
+7 Freedom gives rise to action
When a decision is truly yours, you begin to want to act on it. So much energy used to go into living up to expectations or arguing with yourself. Now that energy can go into what you choose to do.
An act you choose freely carries the calm it grew out of. You know what you are doing it for, and you can begin with one concrete step.
Ask yourself What step would I like to take of my own accord?
+8 Action gives rise to happiness
What matters here is the kind of action you take. You have looked at reality, come to know and love yourself, and forgiven your mistakes. Calm, confidence and freedom grew out of that. All of it is present in what you do now.
Adam associates happiness with this kind of purposeful, freely chosen action. You are taking part in your own life, and you can recognize yourself in what you do.
Ask yourself When do I feel that I am really taking part in my own life?
+9 Happiness brings you back to truth
When you are happy, what need is there to lie? In the Russian word «счастье» (happiness), Adam hears an echo of taking part in life. You have a part in what is happening, and you can live truthfully.
The circle closes. This time you carry the experience of the journey. You can come to know more deeply, love, forgive, act more freely and return to truth again. The circle can begin again.
Ask yourself What truth became easier for me to acknowledge when I felt happy?
Unhappiness
−1 Falsehood gives rise to ignorance
The reverse circle begins when you feel one thing and tell yourself another. You might insist that you love your job when you have wanted to leave for years. Little by little, it becomes harder to see what you actually want.
Adam calls this second step ignorance, not knowing, or foolishness. The three terms describe a single step. When you distort the truth about yourself, you lose the chance to know yourself.
Ask yourself What do I keep saying about myself out of habit, even though I’ve felt differently for a long time?
−2 Ignorance gives rise to a lack of love
If all you know is a picture you’ve made up of yourself, who receives your love? When something about you doesn’t fit the picture, it is easy to reject it or keep it hidden.
In the author’s reading, a lack of love for someone else is rooted first in a lack of love for oneself. What you struggle to acknowledge and accept in yourself may also be difficult to accept in the people around you.
Ask yourself What do I find hard to accept in someone else, and do I recognize it in myself?
−3 A lack of love gives rise to resentment
When you have little love for yourself, it is easy to turn a mistake into a debt you feel bound to repay for the rest of your life. You may keep a running tally with other people, too. Who failed to give you something, say something or understand?
In this way a lack of love becomes resentment toward yourself and others. The event is over, but you still live inside a conversation that never reached an end.
Ask yourself What old score am I still keeping?
−4 Resentment gives rise to worry
Imagine staying in a job or a relationship you have long wanted to change, while telling yourself day after day that you are fine with it. The resentment you feel toward yourself for that choice stays with you.
In this example, worry grows out of the distance between the life you lead and what you feel. The unresolved question keeps coming back. This is how Adam reads this step on the reverse side.
Ask yourself Where do the words “I’m fine with it” differ from what I feel?
−5 Worry gives rise to fear
While the question hangs in the air, you run through all the things that could go wrong. What if you tell the truth? What if you change your mind? Gradually, the anticipation of trouble begins to shape your choice.
In the formula, this is the turn toward fear or self-doubt. More and more energy goes into trying to avoid consequences before they come.
Ask yourself Which particular consequence am I afraid of?
−6 Fear gives rise to violence
Fear can lead people to use violence to control others. When fear governs a choice, you may stop yourself from speaking, deciding or trying. Even where you have room to act, you can feel that you are no longer free.
In the formula, this loss of freedom can also take an outward form in coercion or violence. Fear of losing control can lead someone to impose their will on another person. Adam sees two expressions of one step: the limits you place on yourself and the pressure you put on someone else.
Ask yourself In which decision is fear speaking for me right now?
−7 Violence gives rise to inaction
When you are acting under pressure, your own desire weakens. You may give up on a step altogether, or you may stay busy all day without coming any closer to what matters to you.
That is why the eighth step includes inaction, empty activity and a reluctance to act. Here, apathy describes the experience of someone who finds it hard to feel that an action is truly their own.
Ask yourself What keeps me busy and uses up my energy while leaving me in the same place?
−8 Inaction gives rise to unhappiness
When you keep putting off the steps that matter to you, it can feel as though life is happening somewhere close by. You are busy, but you don’t feel that you have a part in how your life is unfolding.
In this reading, unhappiness is tied to a loss of meaning and joy. The things you really wanted to do or experience have been left to one side.
Ask yourself Where in my life do I miss having a real part in what happens?
−9 Unhappiness brings you back to falsehood
When you are unhappy, it can be tempting to find a roundabout way to get what you want. You might dress up the facts, conceal your motive or reassure yourself that everything suits you after all. In this scenario, another lie holds out the promise of quick relief.
The ninth step leads back to the first, and the circle turns again. Recognizing that moment means noticing where you could give an honest name to what is happening.
Ask yourself What simple truth could I tell in place of my usual excuse?